We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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