they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
