That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
