He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
