dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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