Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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