The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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