Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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