If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
