omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
