That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
