just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
