Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
