So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
