he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
