Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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