in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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