Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
