your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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