proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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