There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish i was in the wii world.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
