He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
