you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize