Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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