he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
