Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize