Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
