sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
