god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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