i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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