dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
