i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
