Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
