You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
