I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
