Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
