its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
