she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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