then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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