What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
