I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
