I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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