Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
