Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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