Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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