I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
