so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
