They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize