i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
