He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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