im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
