New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize