If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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