someone get that fucking seahorse.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
