so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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