please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
