I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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