The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
