omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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