i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
