ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
