I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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