You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
