Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
