His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
