I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
