Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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