I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
