what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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